this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
