he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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