i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
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