Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
