I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
