....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
