Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
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