My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
