Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I wear drunk well.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
