I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
jump out the window naked night went bad
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
