Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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