so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
