have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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