At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
