he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize
