It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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