Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
