just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
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