you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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