I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Randomize
