I love black thongs
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
