I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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