i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
