I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
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Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
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Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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