the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Randomize
