I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
