i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize