8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
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This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
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I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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