Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
