why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
