i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Randomize
