Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
