You just made me feel so damn special
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
