Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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