I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
i will never coherently bang her
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Randomize
