If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
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