On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I have post one night stand depression
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