I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Randomize
