at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
