She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
