I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
