I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
