listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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