Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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