Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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