i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
