Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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