He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
