I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
