If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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