It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
