Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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