My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
