your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
