i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
