so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
