No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
