Your tits are I can't wait for
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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