you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
