nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Randomize
