I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
