Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
