You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
