he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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