I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
