Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
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