You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
