I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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