bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
