Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Randomize
