im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
My liver just had a heart attack.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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